Last evening at life-drawing in Monmouth John the model gave me his update on my blog postings. He regularly takes a look, and commented on the doubts I had intimated by the heading in my latest posting. In fact I had written quite a full description of the 'period of doubt' I had been experiencing. Unfortunately, as I was completing the posting I inadvertently deleted the text. So I just left the heading with my latest drawings posted, and went to bed. What is the doubt in question? It has occurred before. Not very often. But when it does the essence of it is this: 'I've created something new, then I tend to repeat it, because I know it works, and next time it does work, but this inhibits my usual and continually evolving experimental process'. In fact, Paul Fowler my mentor at 'extreme poses' pointed this out to me last Thursday after he had observed a repetition (the two relevant drawings are included in my last posting and both started with a diagonal line being placed on the paper followed by me drawing the two parts of the pose which attracted me on either side of this line). Paul and I had a lengthy discussion around this recurring phenomena, which both he and I had been conscious of before but had not shared a discussion about it.
Later that evening I became very upset, depressed and somewhat fell into a state of disillusion. How could I start up again? How was change to be initiated?
I looked back through my blog which is my life-drawing diary. Yes, this state had arisen before. And then in my note-book I came across the quote (sorry, I've misplaced the author's name) which I have used as the heading above. So the outcome of this refective moment is that 'I have come a long way, I have experienced significant change, I have been sensitive to the challenges set me by the ever changing set of variables at each life-drawing session and with each pose'. And consequently future change is almost inevitable. So that's OK then! So why have I Iincluded these two drawings below?
The first I down loaded from the blog of my life-drawing friend John Meredith. He includes it in a section of works of famous artists and others which he values for various reasons. This is an early drawing of mine in charcoal on an A1 220gsm white cartridge paper. It is of a male model and I've always celebrated my ability to create a somewhat classical compostion and drawing style. I recall it was one of my very first encounters with expressing the anotomical geography of the human form. I also recall the battle with the proportion, value and definition of the right arm and with the relative scale and possible exaggeration of the feet. This drawing holds for ever where I was some six or so years ago.
The second is an early engagement with morphism, although I didn't address this form of drawing in this way at the time. A very different mark-making technique to the other drawing. This is an early two-handed two-pencil drawing, so from late 2012. I include this as the model is John whose comment on my blog opened this posting. Simultaneous drawing with both hands has now become my way of drawing, but no longer the fine lined squiggle marks of two wood-pencil HB's. This has been replaced by the 3-layered graphite pencil marks utiliding the light H&2H's through to the middle 2&3B's through to the 7&8B's. Again this is a significant drawing saying a lot about what I was thinking and how I was experimenting with my mark-making at that time.
Conclusion: all upset, depression and disillusion vanished until the next time. But I believe it must be possible to sense when this psychological state is approaching and take action. The doubt is that because so much of life-drawing is about being immersed in 'process' and that so much of this process takes place with me as 'participant' it is not advised to be 'the participant' and 'the participant observer' at the same time. As participant I am the performer, so I take comfort in my understanding that the essence of 'performance art' is in challenging conventions of traditional forms of visual art such as painting and drawing. So 'process art' and 'performance art' will be the subjects of my next round of enquiry, and quite possibly my upcoming agent of change. Watch this space!
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